I write because it gives me peace. I write because it gives me energy, purpose, fulfillment. I write because it fills up the hole in my chest that only a few people, when they are with me, can do, and without the writing I keen for them in a long, long, silent yet constant way, the way the Star Whale in that episode of Doctor Who screams.
I write because what about me is that special if you take away the words? I write because there must be a purchase for the prices I've paid. I write because books were my constant friends growing up, and I want to provide friends for other lonely people as well. I write because it pays, a little, and it makes me feel like a real woman to get paid for my creative work.
I write because it's fun. I write because it spills over. I write because if I talked all the time, people would get tired of hearing me and my throat would get sore and dry and stuck.
I write for Caitlin, for Sam, for Maggie, for Indigo, for Sally, for Alexandra-Sasha, for the girl who held my hand under the bathroom door when I was crying alone in a stall and never showed me her face or said her name. I write to spit in the face of the dreams of the memories of the echoes of the bullies, the nightmares, the haunts, the anxieties, the tongue chewed in my sleep, the shake of my hands, my fear of getting behind the wheel of a car.
I write because it's better than writhing, sobbing, rocking back and forth, eating too much, shopping too much online, attempting to have intimacy with people who will never love me. I write because I'm full of agape and wonder. I write for the sake of the prisoner and the flight of birds. I write because the children they mark, the children they know, the place where the sidewalk ends. I write because my own words and words I've borrowed get all mixed together but they're both sublime.
I write because my fingers need exercise. I write because it makes people admire me. I write because I'm bored in my room by myself but sometimes I'm scared to go outside. I write because it's honest. I write because it's the closest thing to sweet lying that I'm comfortable doing regularly. I write because I am where the falling angel meets the rising ape. I write because my favorite authors will die or succumb to Alzheimer's and I must be ready to make the Dust to keep the light and joy of the world alive.
I write because I live.
Why do you?
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Wow!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all yes, I most certainly admire you, in very many ways, that have been rather greatly added to by the last two entries (and again, I hope you don't mind me saying that). I need to learn some new words sometime, but until then, again, wow.
Second, thank you (for the mention of me, in this case). Also I now have an answer to a question I was wondering about, which is nice.
Third- oh, Doctor Who, and His Dark Materials, and I'm not sure where the angel/ape quote comes from, but I know I've heard it before (and, well, Shel Silverstein, but that might be from somewhere else, I don't know).
Fourth, I am very, very glad that you do write, as well as that it does so much for you.
Very interesting, and I love your words and your phrases.
Was that a rhetorical question?
Also, this is a silly question, but I'm curious- if you're in Virginia, then you're either staying up late or waking up early. Which is it?
The other quote is Terry Pratchett, something his version of Death says.
ReplyDeleteI'm in Laos at the moment, with my parents (Dad's a diplomat). I have a summer job at the Embassy. Honest, well-thought curiosity is never silly.
And I would love to hear why you write, if you do, or why you paint or sing or dance or whittle, anything like that.
I write because without it I think I would die. Books are the one constant in my life. I have always been able to rely on them. Perhaps that is what led to pursuing multiple dreams: a degree in literature, a degree in library science, and a hopeful career as an author.
ReplyDeleteIt is entirely possible to write an entire post like yours on all the various reasons why I write, but but to keep it simple, I write because if I didn't I'm pretty sure all the people in my head would drive me crazy. Their stories deserve to be heard and I am honored to tell those stories.
<3
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